Life Comes At Us Fast
This story was written by Jacob Crowley, based on a conversation with an EVH volunteer, Jackie. The story and its contents belong to Jackie.
Life comes at us fast. We never really get a say on what challenges are thrown at us, we are told to just keep moving. Our volunteer this week, Jackie, was no different. I had the opportunity to interview her and the following is her story.
Jackie was born while her parents were just entering their 20’s. With Jackie being born and her parents struggling to get along or co- parent, the stress built up until her father left the family and moved. She grew up with her mother who, like most parents, is only trying their best, but unfortunately it did not go smoothly. Her mother sought to fill the hole the father of her child had left.
Jackie remembers the men her mother dated and refers to them as her “father figures” due to her actual father not being there. She thought about the nature of her mother’s relationships and how they were mostly rushed. Jackie’s first “father figure” was a man named Peter. Peter at this time was a leader of a small cult following and taught his practices to Jackie and her mother. The same practices that her mother still follows today. Peter’s theory was that the women who practiced were “angels” and the men were “heroes”. To a young mind, those words are held in high regard and the want to become an angel or hero is strong. After some time, Peter was put behind bars after a police investigation confirmed he had used his position to sexually assault a 13 year old girl. Jackie was roughly seven years old at the time.. Although the charges were accurate, Jackie and her mother would visit Peter frequently in prison.
With Peter being gone, her mother was back to single life. When Jackie was eight years old she was introduced to Rick. The same as before, Rick quickly became a part of their everyday life. Jackie recalls Rick as being an abusive drinker and drug user with a Jekyll & Hyde behavior. He would be happy one moment and the next he was ready to strike. Her mother would be choked, or even hit when these tirades took place. The police were always heavily involved in these domestic situations and the Department of Children & Family Services (DCFS) was notified of Jackie’s living situation. Jackie recalls her mother slamming doors in her face to avoid having to comfort her when she was scared. Subsequently, Jackie was sent to live with her biological father by her mother in Kentucky after this occurrence.
Her father was told that this was a temporary situation until her mother had figured things out and it was safe for Jackie to return to her mother. Jackie visited her mother during spring break when a Louisville newspaper wrote an article claiming Jackie was being “groomed” for Peter by her mother. Jackie noticed that her emotions began to take a physical toll on her. She described herself as “intense” because of all that had happened throughout her childhood but it allowed her to feel strong and confident. She chased her mother’s love when her mother was not returning the favor. This caused Jackie to develop abandonment, trust, and anxiety issues. She transferred schools often, so the chance of finding someone to confide in was difficult. She found her escapes from reality in writing dark poetry and her continuous reminders to herself that her situation was not permanent. Progressing in her education and securing a stable future was always her main focus.
Although she struggled, Jackie never let her life get the best of her. She worked tirelessly from being productive and her grades reflected this hard work. She graduated from high school among the top of her class and was motivated to work towards a better life. She began therapy sessions and was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Upon learning her diagnosis, she made it a priority early that it would not defeat her. Currently, Jackie is working with people who struggle in similar ways and has created an Instagram account to bring awareness to Complex PTSD. Jackie’s best advice to anyone reading this who can relate to her story is to stay strong. She stated that hard work can be uncomfortable, but it is the hard work that will lead you back to happiness. Jackie focuses on remaining true to herself and not allowing anyone to control her happiness.